Writing: Word-less Wednesday

Words are floating around in my mind. . .about nothing, about everything.  Pouring in at warp speed, trickling in slow like molasses.  So much to say but nothing to say at all.  I'm all sorts of contradictions right now.  I remember once, a long, long time ago, my little eight-year-old self dreamed about becoming a writer.  I filled books, large and small with words.  Thoughts scribbled across pages, cursive loops and dotted T's. . .even back then I had stories to tell.

Flash forward to the year I took a writing class. . .the kind I had to mail in manuscripts and they would be returned with comments in the margins and editing galore.  Halfway through the course I realized, I didn't enjoy it.  My stories were stifled.  There was no real life to my words, and the grueling process to publish was disheartening to say the least.  So I silenced myself.  I gave myself permission to quit the one thing I thought I had always wanted to do. . .

And now, I don't care if I begin a sentence with a conjunction.  Punctuation might not follow the strict grammar rules of the academics.  More often than not, I don't even care.  The message is generally from my heart.  The happenings are from my own life; and it doesn't matter to me how it gets to paper; it just matters that it gets there.  There is something so beautiful about going through our blog books and seeing pictures accompanied by words--whatever they say, however, grammatically incorrect they are. It's my story and one that calls to be told.

Words written on paper express the details of our lives.  And our lives are so good because we are alive to live them.  I'm still here in this space. . .words are just floating around in my mind. . . .about nothing, about everything.

Our first outing in the Polaris enjoying God's creation.

December 31, 2012

Am I ready to see what 2013 has in store for me personally?  Absolutely! Am I praying about what direction our life will head as we venture into the new year and await Ernie's release back into the work force?  Absolutely!  Am I worried at all about what is in store?  Nope.  Not this time.  My 2013 word for the year is: fear{less}.

Not as in no fear ever. . .but as in fear less and proceed through whatever it is knowing this is part of His plan for me.  I have spent many years fearing things: roller coasters, the flu, money crisis, job changes, Ernie's jobs, my children's health, my mom's cancer, displeasing others, disappointing others, and failure (to name a few). But since Ernie's accident, I have been gifted a peace beyond all understanding.  Philipians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I am a planner by nature.  A goal setter. A play it safe kind of gal.  I am a rule follower.  I don't like to call attention to myself, to what I stand for, to who I really am for fear of??? I can't even answer that any more so I know the word that has been whispered into my soul is fear{less}. I have this sense that I am being called to do something.  Anything.  But I have to leave my fear at the front door.  I can not grasp the enormousness of what He can do in my life if I'm not willing to set the fear aside and go.  Who said that once you choose a word you will never go back to it?  Who also said that just because you chose a given word you would conquer or follow it for only a year?

Here I am in this place with His beautiful words written on my heart:
Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Deuteronomy 31:6  Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. 

Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?

Isaiah 41:13  For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.  

So on the day before a new year begins. . .one with promises of hope and joy.  One filled with love and new memories.  One abundantly blessed by the days we have to love on each other a little longer, I thank the Lord who for now has gifted me with these treasures: my family, my heart.

 Their chaotic, craziness completes me.

All the time.

Forever and Ever.

Happy New Year!