Weekly Ramblings with Aches and Breaks

While love is definitely in the air around here. . .it has taken much prep work to keep ourselves on top of Valentines and projects all the kids have due tomorrow amidst some aches and breaks.

To top that off we have a little Nessa Bessa that has croup. . . AGAIN!
Oh yeah. . .and grandma goes in for surgery in about half hour due to three breaks in her tibia and fibula right above her ankle.  Yep.  Not good.  Not good at all. . .

Yet all I can think is that God gifted me a wonderful weekend away to reflect on my role as a mom and wife. . .and I come back to this chaotic frenzy of REAL LIFE that could possibly take my focus off who He is for me and the wonderful mercies and blessings He gives me every day.  But instead, thanks largely in part to my being filled at the MomHeart Conference, I recognize the only way to get through the rough patches is to literally be solid and FOCUSED in the Word.  There's really no other way.  Apart from Him all the rest is impossible. What a gift!!  It's as if He knew I was coming home to crazy and He better equipped me to handle it.  I've still been able to pour into my kiddos.  I've still been cozying up with them to read.  I've stopped to snuggle on the couch when Janessa needs me to pause.  I still was able to get to the store to help a sick friend out...it is ALL through Him.

The verse I've been memorizing the last two weeks is:
"the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it."--John 1:5
 No matter what has been thrown at us or what is to come, God is our light.  He is ALL we need.

The newest one I'm working on is, "because He was full of grace and truth from Him we all received one gift after another."--John 1:16

What lessons/gifts have I been learning from the deaths we experienced in January?  From my prayers about my work situation?  From the bad thing that just happened to my mom?  From a child who is sick. . .again?  From projects that have to be completed and turned in amidst the chaos?  That it's all going to turn out okay.  God's got this and He has me in the palm of His hand carrying me through.  Jonathan's life verse plays on repeat, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. . . " --Philipians 4:13

Leaning on these truths today as I nurse a sick little, make cookies and brownies for parties, organize a silent auction thing at the school, all the while leaning into Him and His promises.

            

At the end of the day my BRAVE might look very differently than yours.  But it's brave nonetheless.  Believe you can be brave today and He will make it happen. 

Papa Turned 90!

 Papa turned 90 back in January.  I know I'm kind of lagging.  That is what happens when I use my nice camera.  I kind of forget about it and move on.  But turning ninety is kind of a big deal.  REALLY BIG!

I know getting older is tough.  I've seen it with my own eyes.  Your body doesn't always cooperate.  You go from being independent to needing assistance sometimes.  And for a man especially, I think it's a pride thing.  But Papa is hanging in there--and with all things considered, bad knees being the only real physical ailment is a blessing. His dad lived to be ninety-four so longevity of life seems to be in their blood!

My Papa still has his sense of humor and is a kid at heart.  He loved the horns!

He wore his party hat and blew out his candles.

He chatted it up with his family and friends at a little place I would have never eaten at otherwise.  But it was good!  Those Senior Citizens know where the good deal specials are for sure!

In usual mom fashion, she went above and beyond to make sure it was something Papa would always remember.  He doesn't get out nearly as much as we would like him to but this particular day was a memory he will treasure and a true celebration of his life and the life he has left to live!

He has lost a wife and a son...but in spite of that, he is "still here."  (His words, not mine).  God's not finished with him yet...and us neither because there's a reason he's here and we need to invest in him and love him and learn from the life he has lived.  Sometimes not everyone takes him or his history for what it really is: a valuable lesson for us, for our futures.  I love when he tells my kids stories.  They know their Papa.  They will remember him and tell their children about him.  A true blessing right there!

 Who loves you Papa?  We do!!!!!!!!!

Enough Already!

More and more time passes between my postings. More and more life is lived in the margins, across the page, over a course of days. The more focused I am with my time, the blurrier the view of the world outside our home becomes. I think I like it like that.

Being focused means listening to the inside voice that screams NO to too much scheduling, too much time away from home, too much driving and being distracted by the world's voice and not listening to our own. God's quiet whisper soothes, "This is enough... I give you everything you need." Truth.  Resting in that blessing today and every day really.

Playing the Ungame Christian version after dinner.  The object? LISTEN

 

The Evolution versus Creationism debate was live this week.  I loved hearing the kids remarks against Bill Nye's arguments.  They believe the bible and that God created the earth.  I enjoyed their defensive stance.  It was interesting and entertaining rolled into one.

 Lene Bean hit her first serve over the net in her game on Saturday.  That was cause for a breakfast celebration.  Actually, just the fact that so many of her family members were there to support her was reason enough to celebrate.  We are appreciative.  Very.

Sometimes we all just happen to be in the right place at the right time.  Saturday night was one such occasion.  We talked and laughed and had such a great time.  It happened quite by accident but God's orchestration of it was such a delight! It really is true: life is lived around the table.  Make it happen.  

Anjalene and our good friend (among  others) won an essay competition creating a musical instrument which sent them to to Walt Disney Concert Hall to view the Phil Harmonic. Her writing skills also got her a spot on the District Office bulletin board.  

I think she might get her writing skills from her grandpa. . .and me.  What an honor to be called her hero!!!!  What a blessing to have God open my eyes to this dream I'm living--I never knew I wanted to be home with my kids, but now?  I can not imagine my life any different!

January 31st we had a stuffed animal's birthday to celebrate so the big kids got to baking and we sang and enjoyed a cupcake on its behalf.  Then we sat down to view four episodes of "Little House on the Prairie."  We had a viewing party and snuggled up and started with the pilot episode.  It's so much fun to watch with them what I once enjoyed as a child.  I swear I was born in the wrong time period! Nine seasons with a total of fifty-five DVD's means we will enjoy them for awhile! 

This was the best part of the Super Bowl right there.  Besides, I had a stomach bug that kept me down just enough but passed super quickly and didn't make me too sick so I was grateful.  

I love the before bed conversations where the kids share the contents of their hearts.  I make the time to listen and ask engaging questions because I never want the dialogue to stop.  Never.  Sometimes hard choices have to be made regarding being true to yourself and shining God's light bright enough for all to see.  We've had many a discussion that includes, "Right is always right even when nobody is doing it.  Wrong is always wrong even if everybody is doing it!" Being a tween is touch stuff in today's technological age and I am so thankful my girl has kept the "little" in her.   There will be plenty of time for the rest later but for now stuffed animals, make believe, and writing plays is ENOUGH!

Yesterday was another opportunity to just hang out and be present thanks to grandma.  I loved being with my little brother and dad.  I like hearing how proud he is of us and knowing that despite the many mistakes we've made, we all have learned and grown and carried on to pursue the path God has determined for us. I love feeling hopeful for the future of my own kids and I love investing in the people who make up my village.

There is ENOUGH wherever you are.  Notice it.  Relish it.  Be in it. 

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."

 Lamentations 3:22–24

He Brings Me Pure JOY

This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! 

Sometimes I press pause.
I still my body, my thoughts, my breath and just be.
I breathe in deep--peace. I exhale gusts of gratitude.

These are the times that there is nothing too pressing at hand.  No obligations too many. Life is manageable; not consuming.  Love is abundant and blessings counted by the bunches.  I love when I allow myself to be in this state.  I wonder why I don't savor it longer, entertain it for months, not just days. Joy consumes me in all its loveliness.  And I smile from just the thought.

The weekend mornings of coffee in the yard with my husband, still dreaming and planning the little things we plan to accomplish in 2014 don't happen all the time.  But when they do?  Pure JOY!

The Saturday game, sitting side by side cheering for our oldest daughter saying silent prayers as she comes up to serve, with a quick squeeze to my leg so I know he prayed the same prayer I did?  Pure JOY!

Sitting together at church. Listening. Praying.  Praising.  Pure JOY!

Conversations on our bed into the night reminiscing about trips we've taken, fun times we've had,  funny moments we remember. Laughing, raising our voices to compete for the funniest memory of all.  Pure JOY!

Gathering around tables with friends.  Eating. Talking.  Getting to know each other better.  Together.  Pure JOY!

Blessing him as he heads off to work before the sun rises.  Coffee cup in hand, kiss waiting on his lips.  To be the one to see him off and know he does this day in and day out for me.  For us.  Pure JOY!

To be loved like this; To be loved by him...  I know it could have only been orchestrated by God.  With this gift given to me by my heavenly Father, I have to fight to carve out the time to enJOY it all.  Together this marriage we are crafting is from what the rest of the family flows.  If we keep our JOYful hearts in sync and make time to laugh, pray, sing, dream, dance, and just be. . .together; our lives will bless the lives of all those we touch.  But best of all?  Our kids see what a healthy, loving marriage looks like and hopefully they will travel similar paths to marry and stay in love with their best friend.  That's a long time down the road, but. . .we've already started praying for their spouses...because prayer changes things. And we want them to have what we have. Pure JOY!   Prayer warriors unite!

"Consider it all JOY. . ."--James 1:2

Life. Live. Love. Lean.

Back to back funerals made for a busy weekend,  Both services were beautiful and touching in their own ways.  Both experiences brought different thoughts to mind as I was immersed in the legacy these loved ones left behind.  Susie and Jesse, both different because of their life circumstances, and the lives they lost, but both such gifts they left to the land of the living.

Susie was a single mom.  I can't picture her without her daughter beside her.  They were a team through and through to the very end when she may have lost her battle to ALS (Lou Gehring's disease) but she never lost her spirit or the legacy she left behind.  She raised a strong, independent, loving woman just as she was which reminds me that we are our children's greatest role models in life.  We model the good traits as well as some bad. . .speaking only for myself on that one.  Children learn what they live.  And talking to Susie's daughter, listening to her eulogy, I know Suzy will live on.  She died young but she lived well.

Jesse was the patriarch of a large family.  I met him when I was just a kid, when there was a pep in his step and a twinkle in his eyes as he joked with us and treated us as family (even though we were the neighbor kids). Over the course of many years, I saw him at parties and events as our families intertwined and I had the privilege of getting to know one of his sons and his wife well. Being neighbors, they were my refuge if storms were brewing at home.  They were my safe place to land.  When they moved away, the relationship lasted not only because they were my parent's friends, but because they had poured into me early on and I knew where I could go for guidance. They were a part of the village that raised me well.

Jesse's son and wife became the most influential people in my life at what a healthy marriage looked like.  Some of the wisest words I have ever heard about how I deserved to be treated came lovingly from these two... which eventually led me out of a five year tumultuous relationship and into the greatest love story I have ever known: Ernie. It is for this reason, that when we were pregnant with our first, Anjalene--there was no doubt in our mind as to who the best godparents would be for our firstborn.  They were it.  And they are such a blessing to our multiple children.

Yesterday, celebrating Jesse's life, I was reminded of the span his influence has had on multiple people through the decades.  I realized that his family, who have embraced us and many others are a direct reflection of the way he lived life.  And it was a beautiful one.

And having been at the same cemetery my nana is buried at, the one my kids never had the chance to meet this side of heaven. . .we visited her.

And we visited Uncle Ted.

Then I remembered I have to download pictures of papa's ninetieth. . .and I went and visited him since he didn't make it to any of the funerals.  Getting old wreaks havoc on your body sometimes.  Poor papa.

And that was the weekend.  It was long and parts of it were sad, but mostly visiting people we sure don't see enough of and hearing stories of days long gone.  The realization that I'm not getting any younger might have hit hard as I looked around the church two days in a row...I was no longer the youngest generation. Nope.  Time goes on, whether I'm ready or not.

And it's that thought right there that even though Nessa was in bed (not asleep) and the kids were in jammies. . .we hightailed it over to a friend's house when I got this text:

And we sat around a table and talked and laughed and ate delicious tacos while the kids played and Nessa fell asleep on the couch. These type of moments my kids will remember.  Dropping everything and going and being present to the people you're with.

That's what it's all about (mostly).
Life.
Live it.
Love it.
Lean into it and embrace it.

Counter-Culture Rambling

Time keeps racing on but I am in no hurry to keep up.  I find myself, this week, being easier on myself, using my time to enjoy simple moments, and finding great joy in that.  Ernie is off work and what a gift to have him woven back into the daily fiber of our lives.  Devotions and goodbyes in the morning include him.  Walking and talking all the way to pre-school drop off with my best friend is such an unexpected blessing this week with gorgeous weather to top it off!

Many conversations have taken place this week in which he has reminded me to,  "let it go."  (Actually that song has practically been on repeat over here.  The whole Frozen soundtrack is fun and I love to hear Janessa scream it at the top of her lungs.) We have so many decisions to make about next year--to go to transitional kinder or not; to send Lene to Catholic School or not; for me to quit teaching for good for a season or not. .  and although I don't feel anxious about any of them, I kind of want E to make the final decision--it feels like too much for me to handle on my own and I'm desperately afraid to be wrong. Besides, I just want to know there is a plan. What's wrong with that?

But E's gentle reminder to let it go brings me back to the FOCUS of what we are trying to accomplish in this house:  To trust God's plan on the calling in our lives.  I'm not sure why all of a sudden I'm thinking any more about giving up teaching than I was two years ago when I was gifted the opportunity to work less.  I don't know why I'm not certain that God's plan will be revealed in His time and I can't just go with that--praying and living life for Him in the meantime.  I feel like He's saying, "How many times Janene do I have to show you. . .I've got this?"  I know it deep, deep down.  I just need to not let the future thoughts weigh me down and enjoy the simple gifts of today.

This week those gifts have been too many to count; although I am trying.  I began journaling my thousand gifts again.  Ann Voskamp's reminders are alive and well in my heart and I'm trying to live in a deep state of gratitude daily. The simple idea to look for a gift in everything has resonated with me this month as we already start the year less three people we knew in our life, with three funerals this weekend.

Book club has started again and we are reading Mission to Motherhood.
This is my third time reading the book and I am amazed how new parts are speaking to my heart. God's timing is always so perfect.  There are parts in here that remind me to question my motive behind working--for me, job security should not equal working more for money we do not need.  Granted, more money is nice--but we currently live a modest life that can be sustained on one income.  And what about my retirement?  Were my granpdarents and great grandparents motivated by working for their retirement?  I don't think so.  Actually I don't think my grandma ever worked outside her home--but they did fine.  The reason I think this is, is because they lived through the depression.  They knew the difference between needs and wants.  They stayed in the houses they bought and paid them off.  They didn't drive up credit cards and lived within their means.  I think we live like that.  We choose to live like that.  We aren't buying culture's lies that we have to keep up with the Jones'.  We are certain that home is where your heart is--it doesn't have to be big where we have to work for the mortgage.  Culture calls out lies and messages that are so loud and deafening we get overwhelmed with the noise. But our headphones are on and we refuse to listen!


This post got E and I discussing our own degree of affluenza and how we could combat it in our kids.  Sometimes it is so much easier to give into the demands of culture--to disqualify our own inner voice for the sake of not wanting our kids to be left out or considered different.  But if we don't discern culture's voice for our children, who will? Not sure that this relates but, oh well--I noticed it so I'm writing it. Last night we went out to pizza after volleyball practice with the team.  We were all responsible for our own orders.  I ordered three kids drinks and two regulars.  In my head, I knew I was allowing the kids to have a soda on a school night--that's generous in my book, so it wasn't going to be a big one.  Besides, last time I checked they were all kids.  Anjalene made a slight face when I handed her the cup.  Her eyes said, "Really Mom?"  I explained my rationale and she walked off to fill up her cup.  When I looked at the team's table--sure enough, my kid was the only one with the smaller version of a cup.  Know what?  Nobody really cared.  I could have traded her my big cup for hers so she would fit in--but why?  Culture dictates enough and causes too much stress already in our hectic lives--why let it have a hold in our house?

Date nights have been abundant this week.  E took the girls out and they got all dressed up.  Bubba and I spent some quality time together researching penny boards over dinner out.  The kids served us while Ea and I enjoyed a fire in the backyard after we put Nessa down.  It was so generous of them to serve and they told us we should do that every week. We just might take them up on that. 

My phone hasn't been out as much these days.  I'm slowly reading Hands Free Mama.  Oh man, has it struck a chord.  I am guilty of living a distracted life with my phone in quick reach.  Even in my attempt to capture moments to document our life--I've missed out on some simple gestures and expressions.  It's hard to keep reading when I'm convicted page after page.  If it's not checking emails, or Instagram. . .it's responding to text messages.  there is always something to distract.  I'm striking back and taking control of my bad habit so my kids can grow up to be hands free too. Tell me I'm not the only one struggling in this area, please! 

I'm trying to learn scripture this year.  Did I mention that?  This month's verse--pitiful, I know--but weekly has just never worked for me, so instead of giving up I'm giving myself grace and allowing more time to soak it in and memorize it.  More info on the plan here

"In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God."--John 1:1

Ready. . .Set. . . FOCUS!!!!!

We are already seven days into 2014 and I feel like I haven't sat down long enough to really reflect on my plan or purpose for this new year.  A new year. . .a new year of memories to chronicle. 
A new year. . .a new word.  This year I'm feeling called to FOCUS.  Over the past several years I've been refining and simplifying and leaning into God's word and His plan for my life.  But this year, I didn't find this word.  It found me.

I've incorporated all kinds of practices that have enabled me to build my relationship with Christ which has benefitted my marriage and family greatly, but now I must focus on these relationships-- that they are God-centered and nourished by His word.  Some of what I try to do isn't always from the heart--I want it to be, I really do. . .but sometimes it's just checking something off my list of things to do and I really want that to change.


2 Focus your minds on the things above, not on things here on earth.--Colossians 3:2

"fixing our eyes on Jesus(FOCUS), the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."--Hebrews 12:2

I want to seek the joy in all that I experience day in and day out.  Life is such a gift. . .we know this and yet we still squander some of our days away.  Why??? For me, I know that I am easily distracted.  In my pursuit of holiness, knowledge, or raising kingdom kids. . .I am always seeking information; better ways of doing what we do; shortcuts, tips, ideas.  You name it, I can google it.   My phone is far too readily available to check out what's going on else where, to research information that may or may not be useful in that moment, or the many moments that follow.  But still I seek. I waste real present moments in an attempt to make things better, but the truth is I am missing out on God's best right in front of me.

Notice the blurriness of this picture?  It wasn't on purpose.  Even in reaching for my phone to capture a moment of Nessa Bessa exhibiting balance on the step--I missed the details by looking at it from behind the lens.  I didn't see the way she bit her lip until her teacher pointed it out to me.  I missed the way the curls fell around her face; how her toes dug into the soft mat, the way she raised her eyes to meet mine to make sure I was watching.  I saw some of that the second time around, but I am sure it wasn't the same as the first.  I just know it.  I don't want to miss out on the present because I'm too busy thinking ahead to the future or hanging on to the past behind the camera.. .I want to be in the moment, of the moment, at the moment. I want to truly experience every single thing the moment has to offer. 

I need to focus on who I am with, when I am with them. Be it my kids, my husband, my friends. . .I need to focus and be intentional with the sincerity of my time.  I need to keep my focus on Him so He can use me for all of them.  It's a simple concept really.  Focus on Him and the rest will fall into place.  This year I don't want to be bombarded by the blurry.  I want to keep my eyes focused on Him to appreciate all that every single day has to offer.   I just know that this will be a year of growth, restoration and peace if I focus on Him. Happy 2014, can't wait to see what He has in store for us!