So We Don't Forget. . .

Back in August (where, oh where did the time go?) Lene Bean had an opportunity to be in a film with the son of Sally Clarkson.  This woman changed it all for me.  I went to my first Mom Heart conference nearly three years ago and I have not been the same since.  I would have NEVER imagined wanting to stay home with my kids.  They were not part of the plan I dreamed for myself years and years ago!  I mean, having kids was part of the plan I hoped for, but my dreams were for me, about me, ALL me.  I was going to be a class act teacher and then effective counselor, working hard, being a name that was recognized locally and then who knew what opportunities would come my way--perhaps a job consulting or as a college instructor.  And that's the track I was on, until I felt a pull to work part time and an opportunity fell into my lap. . .and then I attended a conference and the rest is history!

It was at last years Mom Heart Conference where I first heard of Nathan Clarkson's film venture, Confessions of a Prodigal Son.  He felt called to work in Hollywood as an actor, but was somewhat disappointed with the culture that came with it.  He wrote a film and then went on a mission to get it funded through kickstart.org
We happily backed the project and with it came an opportunity for Lene Bean to have a line in the film.  We didn't know at the time, we would all be cast as extras in the film too.  Truth be told, Nessa was not the happiest of campers in the diner scene as we re shot our scene over and over and over again.  But that is SO real life, people!!!

Everything about it was an adventure.  What an experience to be a part of something with a good, solid group of people.  What a memory for all of us to tuck away in the recesses of our heart and recall from time to time.  And what an opportunity for Lene Bean to see this type of theater in action.  She has always wondered about television and film after so much work on the stage. . .and now she knows.

It's funny, sometimes with her starting sixth grade next year (homeschool?), and me not working, I sometimes think maybe we can pursue it a little. . .but the truth is, if it's God's plan for her, I really believe the doors will open and I don't want to be that pushy, cranky mom fighting the LA traffic for an opportunity that just doesn't fit with how we want to experience life.  But this experience was a grand one for all of us!  I have no idea about the finished project. . .but in time, it will come out and our local peeps can come over for a viewing party.  Wouldn't that be fun?!

Finally, one other event I wanted to always remember was the year our bible study group got our kids together to celebrate Jesus' birthday.  Lene Bean wrote and directed the play, texting the moms the day before to see if the kid's could come up with some sort of a costume.  These kids put on an amazing show, at the park for all of us to see and they really got it.  They KNOW the true meaning of Christmas and they get it.  Made this mama heart proud!

They had pizza and cake.  They made the cutest cupcake ornaments and played games.  It was a glorious day to celebrate the King's birth and I was so proud that they honored Him in that way!

The last picture there filled with pink is to always remember the time Anjalene left the hamster's food open in her closet and we experienced a pantry moth invasion. Super gross.  Super unwanted.  Super work involved in cleaning every nook and cranny of the room and closet, washing every article of clothing included.  Plus the bug bomb for good measure. . .because mama couldn't believe this madness!

And because this becomes a book for the shelves to remember 2013.  The last memory (besides me being yuck sick) is the strength our ten year old showed as she stood up at the front of the church yesterday to say good-bye to her Uncle Dennis.  She even gave him a little stuffed animal--and we who know her well, know how much she still loves her animals.  There was not a dry eye in the house.  And I was reminded of my word for the year: FEARLESS: (from my archives)
Am I ready to see what 2013 has in store for me personally?  Absolutely! Am I praying about what direction our life will head as we venture into the new year and await Ernie's release back into the work force?  Absolutely!  Am I worried at all about what is in store?  Nope.  Not this time.  My 2013 word for the year is: fear{less}.

Not as in no fear ever. . .but as in fear less and proceed through whatever it is knowing this is part of His plan for me.  I have spent many years fearing things: roller coasters, the flu, money crisis, job changes, Ernie's jobs, my children's health, my mom's cancer, displeasing others, disappointing others, and failure (to name a few). But since Ernie's accident, I have been gifted a peace beyond all understanding.  Philipians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."



It blows me away that while I journeyed down the fear{less} path. . .my big girl would be journeying beside me.  I learn from her.  She learns from me.  God's life lessons are so incredibly beautiful that way! 2013, you will be missed but not forgotten!

Our Christmas Celebrations: That's a Wrap!

This Christmas season did not disappoint.  All was right with the world except for Nessa still being sick and needing her breathing treatments every four hours. Her Pa drove down a day early to bring us a breathing treatment machine--very thoughtful and appreciated!!  But the spirit of Christmas was alive and well in this place.  Christmas Eve day found us driving around the streets of Pomona looking for our homeless friends.  The Uncle Dennis/Santa Clause look alike was on the same corner he has been on for the last three years.  As always, they blessed us more than we blessed them.  This year we had a special envelope in honor of Uncle Dennis who was once a recipient of our Christmas givings because he needed a minor surgery and we had some leftover envelopes to give him. . .we decorated one, put more money than usual and dressed it up in his honor and gave it to a homeless couple that had hit hard times.  It felt like we were doing the right thing. . .this year, with Uncle Dennis on our minds.  

Christmas Eve mass was without Nessa who took a marathon four hour nap.  But she was in better spirits (the first time in real clothes in four days: thanks for the dress Aunt Cookie) and we headed out on Christmas Eve for the first time in a long time.  Usually we host--it seems for the longest our kids have been little and someone has been in bed early and it just made sense to be home doing what needed to be done but this year was different in a good way.  We were invited to Ernie's uncle's house: the ones whose life was turned upside down with the passing of their son, Devin.  It felt so nice to be included, so good to be around Ernie's family--to have my kid's experience what I know they used to be like when E was growing up--big and close!

We missed his sister DeeDee and the girls terribly, their presence would have made the party perfect! But it really did feel nice to be a part of the larger brood--and a fun realization that our kids are not the babies anymore--not as much work as it used to be to let them be and be a part of the festivities.  I couldn't get enough of the stories, the laughter, the conversations about faith and raising kids. . .Just being there was truly gift enough.  We were all sad to leave with Nesa crying, "But it's the best party ever!"  It was the feeling of being listened to and paid attention to and enjoyed that she was sad to leave.  We had to leave early hoping to get a glimpse of E's parents but unfortunately that didn't happen--long story, different day.

Christmas morning came too soon with Jonathan determined to catch Santa in the act.  He had all his spy gear out and booby trapped the place.  At three in the morning he realized he had missed Santa, but he did proceed to organize the gifts for the mornings opening. At 3 am. we had to tell him he needed to go to sleep!

Our morning was spent with Uncle Scotty, big brother, and Uncle Alan, watching the kids open their three gifts. I was too busy taking it all in to really snap pictures this year.  I was so PRESENT and it really was the greatest gift!  Our home-made gifts were the best--Ernie and I couldn't get over the quality of the ornaments that these kids put together now-a-days, a far cry from toothpicks and construction paper!! E smiled big as he received the watch he has been wanting for some time. It was a nice morning with breakfast that followed and then waiting outside with the neighbors for the fire department to drive by.

The food was great: ham in the crockpot and my potato dish.  Uncle brought by donuts and there was coffee from my new Keurig.  Buying the kids three gifts was the best idea ever!  I really get a sense that what they get is truly appreciated and special!  There is so much more time enjoying each other and doing things together because they are not swamped by the huge-ness of the morning.

Later in the day we head to grandma and grandpa's house to continue the festivities. The kid's time here was pretty huge!  They were gifted a sign for their tree house AND a swing set.  To say this is where they will want to be most of the time is an understatement!

Sometimes the closeness of our family feels perfect when it is just the siblings, just like the good old days.  Christmas at home is --always a good time!

and we always get good, thoughtful gifts. . .especially now that we are all homeowners:)

 I really have to remember to take pictures in front of the tree--one with our whole family. I also need to get one of the cousins together and of course grandma and grandpa.  I think I forgot because  I was nursing a sore throat trying to will it away.  Unfortunately, it did not work.  I have a full blown cold now.  My turn: (

These two: I never want to forget how December 23rd, Nessa Bessa was crying as she had to take another breathing treatment.  She sounded horrible and looked so sad.  I sent a picture to her ninouncle because she was crying for him.  Within minutes, he was at our house--(having left the happening party at his own house) to hold her. She is loved.  She got a brand new lambie to love now too.  She trusted grandpa to do surgery on the original...and we haven't seen him again yet. 

This might have been another hand-made gift that I just loved!

And the only baked goods we received this year by my love bugs were devoured in a day!  

For some reason, the kiddos and I didn't bake. 

 I think with Dennis' passing, it made me miss and remember my Uncle Ted more.  

Baking at the holidays is something we enjoyed together--messes and all. 

Maybe next year. . .or next week.  There's still time.

At the end of the day, Christmas was a gift in and of itself.  Being truly present made all the difference.  I have a strong suspicion that from this year on--due to the memory of  Uncle Dennis and new beginnings with extended family--that this season will always be intentionally filled with love and good deeds to honor those we've lost and loved.  To honor the love we have for those that remain. To bring hope to those who feel abandoned or forgotten.  To be a gift to others in our words, actions, and deeds. Hopeful to continue being His hands and feet in whatever capacity He calls me and praying it is revealed to me. . .

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have?--Romans 8:24

At the end of the day--all that was left to do was rest.  So we did.

Christmas Happenings

There has been all kinds of Christmas prep around here.

The fun kind.  The kind that doesn't feel like work.

The kind you can kick your feet up at the end of the day and exhale peace.

The girls and I celebrated Christmas with the cousins ugly sweater style.

This was after I had already had the joy and privilege of escorting my handsome husband to an ugly sweater party of his own.

He kept walking around saying, "Bringing the power to the party." He'd flip the switch and make the lights come on.  It was funny since he does work for an electric company.  Thanks grandma for the fabulously decorated sweaters.  I thought they were ugly enough--but you had a vision and brought it to life!

We almost didn't make the Living Nativity this year--but the kids couldn't remember never not going.  So we went.  And stood in line for over an hour.  But Little and Kendra joined us so it really felt like "the gangs all here." And I might have gotten teary-eyed.

The next day I worked then raced home to go caroling at a local retirement center with our church.  Our home church. The one I may have strayed away from for lack of community--only to find--I am just as responsible for making that community come to life.  

So I go to the monthly mom's group and I refused to be intimidated by the fact that my kids seem to be the only ones not going to Catholic school--and participated in the caroling opportunity anyways.  We all have a heart for service we just choose to educate in a different setting.  

They don't mind.  So why should I?

The kids passed out cards they had made at home.  I liked watching them.  I liked watching the older people's faces.  I might have gotten teary-eyed here too.

Tis the season!

The choir Christmas Concert was held within walking distance of our home at a church and was beautiful!  The kids sounded so amazing.  I can't believe they were able to accomplish that with only an hour of practice a week since October.  Bravo!

Jonathan's third grade classes visited that same church the next day to make candy canes.

This is a tradition they have been doing for years and I just think it was the coolest to watch.  I couldn't stay the whole time because back at our house the girls were arriving for our last book club meeting of the year.  

We had a potluck and did a gift exchange that was really amazing.  The girls brought a gift that represented a lesson God was working on their hearts or a lesson He had taught them this year--it was fun to hear the significance behind the gifts.  It was even better to hear their hearts.  We even had three of the husband's pop in and one spoke from his heart about what good we were doing meeting the way we are.  There was not a dry eye in the house.  God was so present--it truly was the best gift.

This little one has made such progress in her performance skills.  For the second year in a row she wore a dress her big sister wore when she was her age.  I didn't save much but what I did?  I love to reminisce.  This year Nessa Bessa remained standing through the performance.  I was a proud mama.  Who wouldn't be?

 That night we got together with friends and had pizza and gingerbread house decorating.  I would share the finished result except this was the first year that it didn't remain standing!  I think the parents leaving it in the hands of the kids wasn't the best of ideas but they had fun and, "Presence over presents" is my motto this year.  Whatever works: )

 The very next day we ended up in Urgent Care.  This poor girl just goes from 0 to 60 in seconds.  With pneumonia and bronchitis in her not so far past, I just wanted to make sure we could get her to some semblance of normal by Christmas Eve.  She is still miserable. "I don't like being sick.  Sick is boring," she exclaims in the most pathetic little voice she can muster.  Poor baby.

Which is why today will look like this. E is working, today but soon he will join me for a few days off to relax and bask in the glow of family, friends, and the real reason for the season.

  All presents are wrapped and ready.  All that remains is some baking to do for fun.  

No pressure.  

No problem. 

There has been all kinds of Christmas prep around here.

The fun kind.  The kind that doesn't feel like work.

The kind you can kick your feet up at the end of the day and exhale peace.

Love Does Even in Death

In Loving Memory of our neighbor Uncle Dennis 12/16/13

Love is a gift that we can give for free.  It can take many shapes or forms:
 a smile,
 a hug, 
a listening ear, 
a meal, 
a gesture, 
a moment, 
a word,
a sincere effort on the part of the giver.  

Love is a gift that can sometimes get lost in the hustle and bustle of our busy lives.  We put off the call, the text, the visit. . .and with no warning at all, someone we love is just gone. The thoughts that fill our minds aren't just the good ones: the 4th of July parade, waiting for Santa and the fire department Christmas morning, sitting on his porch watching my kids as they rode by on scooters, someone who griped about the school parking more than I did, that windmill, those campfires, the cacti, our last birthday celebration and how it was together. . .there's this sense of longing for the time back to do better, to be better, to be His hands and feet more thoughtfully and generously.

But there's not a do over.  And even though I know he knew we cared for him. . .and we stopped what we were doing to talk when he came by, I feel like I could have done more.  Been more present.  Taken more initiative to include.  To know him was to love him. . .in all his gruffness.   And so it goes on.  Life.

Death is just one part of the journey.  And every person who passes teaches us something about ourselves and leaves an indelible mark on our hearts. Don't squander the gift death gives.  Hang on to it tight with both hands and forge ahead empowered by the imprint this loved one has left on you.  Continue the legacy of our loved ones who sit at the throne of God by offering LOVE through:
 a smile,
 a hug, 
a listening ear, 
a meal, 
a gesture, 
a moment, 
a word,
a sincere effort on the part of the giver. 

Love does.
Do you?

Ten Days Until Christmas Eve

How in the world is it already December 14th? I don't get how the time flies so fast! We've been moving at warp speed over here with another birthday celebration, a bad back on my end, and super long hours at work for E. Yet through it all, I feel more peace about the holiday season than I have in years! I'm not sure what about it has changed, but the simplicity of the season that I've allowed myself to undertake is right on the brim of perfection. Last week I celebrated with the moms from my church. We talked about the JOY this season brings and it has helped to keep my mind focused on the fact that JOY is a choice. I choose JOY even on the hard days.
Last week I made it to a couple days of an Advent retreat that the church offered, and I think because I kept the mindset I would go if I could. . .it took the stress out of making it happen. I'm finding this approach opens me up to enJOYing the experience at hand much more than when I force things to work out just so.

 Somewhere in all that I woke up to the worst back pain I've had in a long time. It was so bad I opened the house for my book club friends and then took myself to the doctors, crying the entire way. I hadn't been in that much physical pain in a long time. I love that the doctor was so thorough ordering blood work, xrays, and ultrasounds due to my past kidney issues. And I loved that I had to just pause and work the appointments out for the good of my health. Everything else: shopping, wrapping, festivities. . .was second to figuring out what ailed me. God slowed me down to really savor the smallest things this season. Things like: tamale making, gingerbread cookie making, awards assemblies, lego building sessions, sewing with the help of E for my girl, birthday dinners, Christmas Celebrations with friends, and early morning masses where I always seem to run into someone I know. So much goodness packed right into my regular daily routine. . .bad back or not. There is just too much beauty NOT to notice.

 And then as is usual with the holidays. . .thoughts drift to loved ones lost, friends fighting for life, and the harmony of these two realizations that bring me to choose JOY. . .in ALL circumstances.

Because really, is there any other way to live?

Birthday Bonus Galore

This was quite the year for this little lady. . .and she didn't even turn five! We decided to go into party mode since we thought her Nina would be here to celebrate with us this year, but even though that didn't go according to plan, the party had to go on. Her actual birth day began at mass, just the two of us. We've been making this a weekly outing and I have to say, I feel so good sharing this with her. It has made our Sunday mass visits almost downright enjoyable as she looks forward to going and understands more about the parts of the mass. November 27th was particularly enjoyable as the school was there to celebrate Thanksgiving mass with us and we both enjoyed watching all the students in action. It brought back such wonderful elementary memories for me.

I had to capture this moment walking back from the restroom. Priceless. Anyways, since it was the day before Thanksgiving I went by my parent's to see how I could help with the chopping and dicing. Mom and I got to work and Janessa played and waited anxiously for her big surprise date with grandpa. She didn't know it but he was taking her to see Frozen. Later that evening we all met up at her Nino's house for a little apple cobbler and some gift opening. It was last minute and simple and I swear this would have been enough if the party invites hadn't already been sent out! Kendra greeted her with a boquet of balloons bigger than she is! And she was spoiled and loved on some more with presents: including her very own Mercedes, personalized plates and all! Too much, I tell you...too much.

The next day was filled with family again as we celebrated one of my most favorite holidays ever. . .more on that to come. And yesterday was the big four-year-old bonanza for our Nessa Bessa at her new favorite place: My Gym. We were blessed to have her two teachers host the party and she had a very busy two hours of fun with her closest friends. It was fun to watch her in action with so many different kids. I love the blend of our village, long-time friends, family, new friends, classmates. . .it's a beautiful array of such vastly different people coming together because we have our friendships in common. Beautiful!

I always want to remember the way Bubba practiced and performed a magic show right in the middle of the party. I love his heart for his sister and I love his creativity and enthusiasm to get up there and put on a show! It truly does take a village--and looking around at the people who were there, I was reminded of what a huge blessing it is to have people that are in the trenches of parenthood, right there beside you. The party might not have been necessary, but it was a good reason to celebrate together, for two hours, a genuinely fun time!